I don’t feel okay where i am, yes the choices i made brought me here and i had these lingering doubt and lack of trust before, but i thought i was being overly paranoid, so i just stayed vigilant. But i sadly realized, being vigilant doesn’t help in my situation, i have to be fully in charge, another thing i didn’t realize until a while ago, i’m not even in charge of my own life.
Which some people would find comfortable and secure, I don’t, i can’t because i’m a free spirit, not much so anymore, but i have to be the only one controling my destiny. Of course i had faith in my handler, but he has made a big mess of my life so far, maybe i know why, but i cannot change people, i’ve tried changing myself, but that turned into a much bigger mess than my life. So now i’m stuck in between, i vaguely remember who i was and cannot figure out who i want to be, i do however know what i deserve and where i should be.
Utilizing the little i have and maybe i’ll reach utopia one day or soon, but i do have to stop my vagrant mentality and realize why i am here, i have to aim for the Mean, and i now realize it’s the best thing i can do, for me and for my child i geuss. I am a one of a kind, i realized that while being oppressed.