Holding my breath

Seven days!! I just made it a week. yay. I honestly have not had one single smoke. However, when i wake up it feels as though i smoked a whole pack, it’s been like this for three days now.

My theories are; either i am sleepwalking and smoking in my sleep, which is very possible or it could just be second hand smoke. my boyfriend still smokes, he’s not gonna smoke for long believe me, he sees this as a challenge and will never be beaten by me, so i might have to contemplate the sleepwalking thing. i am in a phase where i am bargaining with my will, i want to smoke sooo much, it’s driving me crazy.

i have already been through the emotional stage, i cried for hours on sunday, smke damages your nervous system and messes up your hormones, well it did that for me, smoking helped me curb my emotions, so i geuss i’m screwed. i hate being emotional, cause i never have anyone to comfort me( or rather anyone who wants to). It’s my own fault i suppose, i put a wall up and very few people are alowed inside. I felt every emotion possible, except happiness, i felt gladness, but not happiness, so i figured the emotions that burst out are the feelings you feel most of the time.

I’m in stress mode right now, so try to stay away from people. the days go by so fast, i just have to make it to a safe place where i am smoke free. i haven’t worked out a exercise plan yet, to be honest i’m scared. i did a ten minute cardio workout and almost died, it was brutal, believe me. but thats next on my agenda, it will help with my rage.                                 I will report back on how it goes next time, cheers.Placeholder Image

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2 thoughts on “Holding my breath

  1. Find something else to do next time you have a craving. It can be just about anything because the cravings don’t last long each time even if they come back regularly. Twiddle your thumbs, draw a picture, write something, it all helps.

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