I wish I could just run away, far away.
My meaning of life is blurred, I honestly do not know why I am here anymore. The dream I had last night pissed me off, I went to bed early for a change, I woke up past 12 last night after this lady gave me multiple black drinks, but I was so thirsty and she was so nice. Which she always is to me, but I know it’s not real and that she hates me just like she did my grandmother. My grandmother hated her, well not hate, but couldn’t stand her. With good reason I suppose, everything my grandmother did, she did. She was an amazing actress, she did ballroom dancing, she was involved in the church, and she still managed too give birth every year. She was blessed, so I predict the other lady wanted to be blessed as well, so of course she did everything my gran did. When my uncle married her daughter, and she became my gran’s daughter-in-law, our families were linked for life, we still are, we are also next door neighbours, now just imagine my grandmother’s irritation.
I don’t know what she did to my gran or what happened, but I do know my grandmother was not a difficult person, strict, but she always gave you a second chance, even a fifth chance and when she was laying on her cancer bed 14 years ago, I could see that she did not believe the fake ass apology that lady came to give. Monday it will be 14 years. As I said I don’t know what happened, but I think I have a pretty good idea.
I cannot name her because she could be reading, because I just found out she keeps tabs on me, there’s no bad blood, but you can never be too careful. We are a big family and I love my cousins to death, but I keep having this dream that I go next door and buy something, I don’t pay a lot of money and the store is a failure anyway, so I get mostly things for free.( yes we had a store, so she opened one too. classic)
I suppose I should just hope that black stuff I keep putting in my body when I dream of that house does not harm me, physically and mostly spiritually. Or else i’m screwed. I also hope she does not read this…