just stef

Take me to church


take me to church

I’m in the lurch

take me to that place

beyond the trees

that open space

I’ll expose my knees

take me there

with my German hair

I wanna go

where my kitchen Dutch flows

where nobody knows

the defects and flaws

that your ignorance cause

take me to church

for my soul search

to satisfy my thirst

I beg you, first

Take me to church


The journey my soul


I was thinking

while I was blinking

how my soul

Is under the control

Of a being I don’t know


I see the lies

drip from your eyes

without disguise

your lips disclose

what my hearts been told

the secret is under your tongue

I wish to return

there, where

my mother tongue lies

to redeem my soul

for my own control


My youth, my youth..

Far and wide

I see my youth hide

I never suckled

on the juice of it

Instead sacrificed

my device

I had no choice

I was molested by love

I had no voice

my heart was cuffed

I’m starving

for loving

far and wide

I see my youth hide

It’ far, It’s wide

It’s InsideFeatured Image -- 46

Holding my breath

I’m thinking of relapsing. I woke up with the strangest urge to smoke, I suppose I don’t need to ask why. So much is going on in my life, but nothing is. Meaning, from the outside my life looks pretty boring and nothing ever happens. Being on the inside though…It’s total chaos. No one has to know what is going on in my life, I prefer it that way, but do not assume everything is fine, that I have a good life and this is how I want to die one day.

If you know me or maybe read some of my stuff, you would know¬†loyalty is very important to me, well I’m surrounded with people that are really NOT loyal to me, I don’t even know why I’m here. I am wasting my time, my youth on inconsiderate people. And no that’s not the reason I want to smoke, it is part of it, but the reason is that I don’t need a reason, I do need a smoke though.

I think the stress is getting to me. Something is about to happen, I don’t know what, but something is coming and it won’t be nice. I don’t have the energy to get hurt again, I seriously don’t. If I do, someone is going to get hurt, something will be cut off. I will not lie down and be the good person and allow myself to be humiliated next time. Because wasting my time cannot go unpunished any longer.

Yes! I need a smoke right now, but the reason I will not do it is, I have come too bloddy far to break myself down again. And of course I want to see how far this thing goes. But on a serious note, when I make a commitment I stick by it, no matter what.Placeholder Image

Just Stef, It’s my anniversary!

It’s been a year! it seriously felt like a few months, sometimes it feels like it’s been years.

I have had writers block, written or tried to write some short stories, stop smoking, then had a hangover, I wanted to delete my blog, so this journey has really been like marriage. I have met amazing people, and more amazing followers who I cherish, thank you guys, although I have been offline for a while( not my choice) I’ll always come back again.

The reason I was offline, was because of a shack that burnt down across the street, with it the telephone lines which connects the internet. Everyone got out safely except for an old man who could not move fast enough, he sadly died.

I am back and hope to be back for years to come.

ps. I have not touched a smoke ever since the last time I relapsed, I blame the tequila.Featured Image -- 46